Doing the Same Thing, Expecting Different Results

In AA that's the definition of insanity. You do the same thing over and over, and each time you expect different results. To me, that's also the definition of denial. I used to tell myself every single day, day after day after day, to go ahead and eat what I wanted to eat today, because tomorrow...well tomorrow would be different! Tomorrow I would start with a clean slate and start eating wisely. Tomorrow I would develop a sane relationship with food. I would eat healthy food, I would cut out all junk food, I would never again eat until I felt sick. I told myself that every day for years. I really believed it too. I remember one time a woman I worked with, who knew I was in AA, asked me why her husband was so believable each time he promised her that he would quit drinking. I thought for a moment and I said that I thought that it was because every time he told her he was going to stop drinking he really meant it. He meant it and he believed it himself. That's why it had a ring of truth that made her believe, once again, that he was really going to stop. I am finally learning, slowly and painfully, that I can't start over again tomorrow. If I stumble and make a bad choice with food today, I have to start over again today. I can't keep telling myself that I will start with a clean slate tomorrow, I have to wipe that slate clean right now and start over today.