CEA H.O.W.

Compulsive Eaters Anonymous Honesty Open-Mindedness Willingness... I'm pretty sure that's what those letters stand for. I went to a meeting last night, the first one I've been to. I have been to many AA meetings and many Overeaters Anonymous meetings, but this was the first CEA HOW meeting I've been to.

We used to have a quite a few OA meetings here, and they were well attended. This was about 20 years ago. I drifted away, and then drifted back about 18 months ago. I was shocked at how few meetings there were and how few people were at the meetings. Of course, I can't really complain, because what have I been doing the last 20 years to keep OA alive here? Oh, that's right, nothing! Anyway, I asked a women after a meeting what had happened to everyone, my theory being that gastric surgery had made big inroads into OA. She said that she thought that a lot of people had gone to this "alternative OA" called CEA HOW. I asked her if she had been to any meetings and she said that she had and that they were a lot larger and that their members seemed to have a lot of successful weight loss. I asked her why she wasn't still going and she calmly replied "Oh, because they're all crazy." I laughed and asked her really, why wasn't she still going to their meetings and she told me that she wasn't kidding. She said that they were overly regimented, controlling and co-dependent crazies. Hmmm...I thought, sounds like her addiction is battling for its life, I'll have to try this thing myself.

I went to a meeting last night and, by golly, they really are overly regimented, controlling and waaaay co-dependent. I won't call them crazy, because I'm too crazy myself to be a judge of that. They tell you that the food plan and all the rules are not suggestions, they are RULES. You will get a sponsor, you will follow the food plan, you will phone your food in, you will make four phone calls a day, you will not be allowed to speak in meetings until you've had 30 days of abstinence. Actually when I first walked in one lady was on the phone calling a newcomer who had come to her first meeting the Saturday before and had apparently made the mistake of giving them her phone number. The woman was on her cell phone wanting to know where the new member was and why she wasn't at the meeting. Ok, I thought, sit down and give them a chance.

Oddly enough, my first reaction wasn't to run screaming out the door. Part of me thought, with relief, that I could just turn myself over to these women and they would BY GOD FIX ME or die trying! Let them bully and pester and humiliate me. Let them take control of my eating and my thinking and my responsibility. What a relief.

The thing that bothered me the most was the part about not be able to speak in a meeting until you've had 30 days of abstinence. I was allowed to read out loud with them from the 12 Traditions, but not until I had been reminded that I couldn't comment on what I'd read or speak in the meeting until I had 30 days of abstinence. It's funny that that bothered me because I hate to speak in meetings. My face gets red and sometimes my voice wavers or cracks, it's not my favorite thing. I guess I've been in too many AA meetings where people will listen patiently to some newly sober drunk ramble on because they NEED someone to listen to them.... I don't know, I just can't go back there.

Now, is it my addiction fighting for its life? Am I protesting too much? (i.e. Dr. Phil Show reference in an earlier post.) I don't know, it just feels so wrong. Like I said, it feels like a bunch of co-dependent women who desperately need to fix all the broken people who walk through the door, instead of helping them to fix themselves.